Solutions in Search of Problems

Where does he get this nonsense?

2010-12-12T22:54:00.000-08:00

One on each side of nothing, considering the possibility of every type of information, anxious customers jammed the dungeons. And federal regulators said they weren’t alarmed by a tempestuous yet sternly beautiful night. Regarding accuracy and irrevocable overthrow like a whisper, nevertheless they cannot collect objects on recently-dug ground, and real wages never fell through the TV set. And I listened to the propagandistic tough-guy-ism on his hands, and I leaned against an undertaker dry-washing his lower belly. The light gonged the usual vulgarity. My car was across the law, vanished. The faint glitter rose at her legs and torched vacant buildings. To get to meet a long silence. give me a side street pointing at different times. Somebody hid the windows, abundant evidence that the mome raths outgrabe. Somebody else's rain still pounded.

The More Bread . . .

2010-12-10T09:29:00.000-08:00

The received wisdom is that there is an inverse relationship between shit and bread, such that the more bread one has, the less shit one has to eat. An examination of this ratio will show that, at best, there is less shit as a ratio of shit to bread, while the amount of shit remains constant.

Further research indicates that there is doubt that the amount of shit remains constant. Indeed, that even the ratio of shit to bread remains constant, such that if shit:bread is equal to 1:2, an increase in bread to 7 will result in an increase in shit to 3:5, for in some cases, shit increases exponentially relative to the increase in bread, such that (s+b)^^b: b.

Marketing Nonviolence

2010-12-09T21:24:00.000-08:00

Nonviolence. Said by some to be the only rational or moral response to violence. But that's as may be. I want to see what might happen if nonviolence is marketed.

Marketing nonviolence. The results of the nonviolence are so great that people are convinced that there is something to this nonviolence stuff after all. Nonviolence marketing nonviolence. And market that. Marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence. And . . . Nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence. And Marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence. Nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence. Marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence. Nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence. Marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence marketing nonviolence.

This one does not roll off the tongue . . .

Marketing marketing

2010-11-07T10:29:00.000-08:00

First there is marketing, a process of creating consumer interest in goods and services. Then perhaps someone has not heard of marketing, or is opposed to it, and marketing is presented to them as something worth doing. This is marketing marketing. Perhaps it took persuasion to begin the process of marketing marketing. This is marketing marketing marketing. And it just gets worse from there.

Marketing marketing marketing marketing.

Marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing.

Marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing.

Marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing.

Marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing.

Marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing marketing.

Variations on a theme of stick

2010-10-22T17:29:00.000-07:00

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's chrome-plated and sticky?

A chrome-plated stick.

What's short and sticky?

A short stick.

What's long and sticky?

A long stick.

What's pearl-handled and sticky?

A pearl-handled stick.

What's sticky and sticky?

A sticky stick.

What's heavy and sticky?

A heavy stick.

What's sparkly and sticky?

A sparkly stick.

What's tricky and sticky?

A tricky stick.

Where is . . .

2010-10-17T10:51:00.000-07:00

Where is "Where is "Where is Sarah Palin's Stand-up Routine?""

Here.

Where is "Where is Sarah Palin's Stand-up Routine?"

2010-10-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

Where is "Where is Sarah Palin's Stand-up Routine?"

Here.

Where is Sarah Palin's Stand-up Routine?

2010-10-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

Where is Sarah Palin's Stand-up Routine?

Here.

Sarah Palin's Stand-up Routine

2010-03-05T11:02:00.000-08:00

For the talent portion of the beauty contest she was in, Sarah Palin considered doing a stand-up routine. The transcript of the routine (which she never delivered) was recently discovered in the bottom of a discarded bird-cage, and is presented here, mostly unedited.

Hiya, everyone!

I just flew in from Wasilla . . . boy are my arms tired . . .

Things happen in Alaska, crazy things that you wouldn't see anywhere else. Just the other day, I shot a moose in my bikini; what it was doing in my bikini I don't know.

And the people in Alaska, wow, they are something else! Take my husband . . . Please!

My husband and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

The other day he was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"

I'll tell ya, my husband and I, we don't think alike. I donate money to the homeless, and he donates money to the topless!

During sex my husband always wants to talk to me. Just the other night he called me from a hotel.

The other day my husband met me at the front door. I was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, I was coming home.

We have fun here in Alaska, though; we have fun in our small towns. We have horse racing. I was at the track last week, and I bet on a great horse! It took seven horses to beat him. The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

And my family! Let me tell you about my family. I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

My brother told me his car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and he told me it was in the lake.

And my sister! She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

And my mother; she could tell that her parents hated her. Her bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

One day, she met the surgeon general. He offered her a cigarette.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

Thank you very much, you've been a great audience.

Casablanca

2010-02-27T16:14:00.000-08:00

I thought that I had seen Casablanca. I was wrong; I had seen it only on a small screen, and with commercial interruptions.

Thanks to our local Living Room Theater I have seen it on the big screen, as god and the director intended.

2010 you say . . .

2010-02-16T10:32:00.001-08:00

As someone who will be 46 years old this month:

2010 sounds like something out of a science fiction novel. Which I like.

Carl Sagan on YouTube

Sherlock Holmes

2010-01-04T11:29:00.000-08:00

Before I saw Sherlock Holmes . . . oh bother, I've just done that one . . . but seriously, a good movie (if you like that sort of thing). I hear that the sequel is already in production . . .

Before I saw Avatar . . .

2009-12-22T17:42:00.000-08:00

Before I saw Avatar, I believed that science fantasy action romance movies were just science fantasy action romance movies, and that popcorn was just popcorn; now I see that science fantasy action romance movies are just science fantasy action romance movies and popcorn is just popcorn.

Last Day of the Term

2009-11-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

Thursday was the last day of class for this term for me.

Yes, I was up late Wednesday night finishing my term project and preparing to give my in-class presentation; yes it was lame, but some of the others were worse, so . . .

Goodwill tour

2009-10-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

Rode my bike to Radio Shack, and then stopped in at Goodwill on the way home; scored a 100% wool vest, a nice copy of Ray Troll's Shocking Fish Tales, and a cd of Carmina Burana. Also spent a couple of dollars at the do-it-yourself carwash, to wash the buildup off of my chain and gears (followed with a few drops of nice, clean, fresh, chain oil).

Standup Science

2009-10-10T09:30:00.001-07:00

My Essay That Didn't Win Anything

2009-10-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

I wrote an eight-page essay for a scholarship contest. It didn't win.

Here are two paragraphs from my essay that didn't win anything:

Human society is a complex system, which is to say, it is not predictable; in order to know what the effect would be of a given input, it is necessary to actually experiment and find out what happens, which in turn changes the system such that if the experiment were repeated, it might have a different outcome. Not to assert that society is utterly chaotic and completely unpredictable; of course it isn't. The people of a society are able to feel secure that certain things will remain the same from day to day; this is one of the functions of a society. People within the society work to keep the society alive and functioning, there are necessary roles which support society; for instance, food production and distribution is necessary in any society, from hunter-gatherer, to complex post-industrial. In our society, that is, Portland, Oregon, we depend on a technologically advanced infrastructure to support our way of life. We need roads and houses and electrical power and computer networks. And these require constant maintenance, and this maintenance is done by the people of the society; thus they impact society, and society impacts them.

Not everyone works directly on the maintenance of the technological infrastructure. It is safe to say, I think, that most people don't, and some people are not even aware that it happens. I will add that maintenance of infrastructure is not the most important task imaginable, nor is it the defining element of civilization; the infrastructure is part of the foundation, it should not be the most interesting part of a society. Raising children and creating beautiful buildings and parks and making music and respecting the rule of law and enjoying one another's company are some of the things that happen in a healthy society. Those are the things that "make life worth living". Yet the infrastructure is necessary, in our modern society, to all those happy events. Without roads and communications networks and good drinking water the society would not have a place to be, and do those things, that show people at their best.

Buying Compact Discs

2009-10-01T18:12:00.000-07:00

I like to buy music cds.

Online, or downtown on SW 13th, or in St. Johns at the Vinyl Resting Place.

The Best Band You Never Heard Of, a Frank Zappa album that I had read good reviews of, is one that I found recently. At $21.00, it was a big disappointment. Maybe it was a badly engineered copy? I like the Zappa music, mostly; Trance-Fusion, Shut Up and Play Your Guitar, Hot Rats; those are great albums. The Best Band, though, was so bad that I am afraid to listen to any Zappa albums right now.

-Update: 20 November; I listened to Guitar; totally awesome!

Etta James, The Right Time. Charlie Parker, In a Soulful Mood. I bought those today in St. Johns, and they are both awesome (if you like that sort of thing. and I do).

To Hell With Room 101

2009-10-01T17:59:00.000-07:00

I saw a reference today to Room 101, which is of course the terrible place Winston Smith is taken to for the crime of being a protagonist in a dystopian novel. In Room 101, one is confronted with one's worst fear, and not in a good way that allows you to benefit from the experience and overcome your phobias, no, but in a bad way that forces you to betray someone close to you (if you didn't have someone close to you, someone would be provided, I suppose). This is clearly a waste of the fictional taxpayer's money. People aren't that tough, mostly. We find plenty of opportunities to be hurt, and to hurt others, without some special room, and some special technique, being devised to hurt us. In short, to hell with Room 101. And to hell with 1984. George Orwell wrote far better works than that, it's a damn shame that he is best known for that wretched horror story.

Thousands Rally in Capital to Protest Big Government

2009-09-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

I wrote to Jeff Zeleny, whose byline appears above the article at the New York Times online.

"A sea of protesters", really? A large sea? Or a small sea?

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0001773.html

Yes, I realize that "sea of" is a figure of speech, with no particular amount being indicated. "Tens of thousands" is a similar figure of speech, connoting a number somewhere between 20,000 and 100,000. Recent anti-war protests have been much larger; 200,000, for instance, in one small city.

A more appropriate metaphor for a turnout of 20,000 would have been "lake", or perhaps "large puddle".

And who are Theo Emery and Ashley Southall?

Thank you

Marvin Hampton

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2009-09-06T10:26:00.001-07:00

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2009-09-06T09:36:00.001-07:00

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2009-09-06T09:33:00.003-07:00

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2009-09-06T09:33:00.001-07:00

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2009-09-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

We are not amused

2009-08-14T16:49:00.000-07:00

Adding insult to injury; one hundred freaking dollars "bank fee" for helping the State help themselves to the money . . .

No particular reason . . .

2009-07-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

Source: Hubblesite.org

Mussorgsky and Chess

2009-01-20T11:52:00.000-08:00

She Said Tomorrow Never Knows, Also

2009-01-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

My complaint about Baby New Year

2008-12-31T17:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to make of Baby New Year's ruses. On the one hand, Baby New Year ducks the issue of defeatism by using words and phrases so vague and subject to interpretation that they have no true meaning at all. But on the other hand, we are nearing a synthesis of elitism and sectarianism into an obtuse wowserism that will transform fear and its inculcation into the preeminent force ruling human existence. Let's get down to business: Because of Baby New Year's obsession with simplism, aside from a few exceptions, this statement is undoubtedly valid. I'll probably devote a separate letter to that topic alone, but for now, I'll simply summarize by stating that I am more than merely surprised by Baby New Year's willingness to make me the target of a constant, consistent, systematic, sustained campaign of attacks. I'm shocked, shocked. And, as if that weren't enough, as Baby New Year matures morally it'll eventually grow out of its present way of thinking and come to realize that I believe in "live and let live". Baby New Year, in contrast, demands not only tolerance and acceptance of its expedients but endorsement of them. It's because of such unscrupulous demands that I profess that there is no doubt that it will impose ideology, control thought, and punish virtually any behavior it disapproves of sooner than you think. Believe me, I would give everything I own to be wrong on that point, but the truth is that I recently heard Baby New Year tell a bunch of people that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. I can't adequately describe my first reaction to this notion; I simply don't know how to represent uncontrollable laughter in text. Still, the issue of what to do about Baby New Year's stuck-up practices is far from settled. The letter you just read should be seen as a starting point for dialogue on this controversial issue.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-20T16:54:00.000-08:00

Nietzsche Family Circus

2008-12-10T14:04:00.000-08:00

Surrealism and Rene Magritte (and Nina Simone)

2008-11-19T20:30:00.000-08:00

That's better.

2008-11-05T21:26:00.000-08:00

Sarah Palin's Comedy Routine

2008-10-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

For the talent portion of the beauty contest she was in, Sarah Palin considered doing a stand-up routine. The transcript of the routine (which she never delivered) was recently discovered in the bottom of a discarded bird-cage, and is presented here, mostly unedited.

Hiya, everyone!
I just flew in from Wasilla . . . boy are my arms tired . . .
Things happen in Alaska, crazy things that you wouldn't see anywhere else. Just the other day, I shot a moose in my bikini; what it was doing in my bikini I don't know.
And the people in Alaska, wow, they are something else! Take my husband . . . Please!
My husband and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
The other day he was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"
I'll tell ya, my husband and I, we don't think alike. I donate money to the homeless, and he donates money to the topless! During sex my husband always wants to talk to me. Just the other night he called me from a hotel.
The other day my husband met me at the front door. I was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, I was coming home.
We have fun here in Alaska, though; we have fun in our small towns. We have horse racing. I was at the track last week, and I bet on a great horse! It took seven horses to beat him. The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
And my family! Let me tell you about my family. I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
My brother told me his car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and he told me it was in the lake.
And my sister! She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
And my mother; she could tell that her parents hated her. Her bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
One day, she met the surgeon general. He offered her a cigarette.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.
Thank you very much, you've been a great audience.

Richard Bach; Is There No Freedom?

2008-09-11T18:03:00.000-07:00

Richard Bach is best known for writing Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Jonathan likes to fly, and events occur. It does get a bit mystical, but that's OK. I won't hold that against the book.

My favorite is Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah and I like it for the problems it gives me.

The messiah character, Donald W. Shimoda, says that "You are free to do whatever you want to do", and he demonstrates his freedom by being wise and magical and not afraid to die. Right away this creates a problem that I like. As someone who is not particularly wise, or magical, or unafraid to die, how do I demonstrate my freedom?

Another one is the Problem of Suffering. It's one thing for healthy, happy, new-age types to proclaim that they are the creators of their lives, willing to take risks and be unconventional, even if it Causes Talk. It is something else to apply the idea of freedom to the problem of suffering, both in one's own life and in the lives of others. I can practice thanking the universe for whatever comes my way, from banging my shin on a table, to getting a nice drink of cold water when I am thirsty; but what of the suffering of others? Not that it's necessarily any of my business, but the problem has been posed, and it remains. To put it bluntly, do we blame the victim? The answer, of course, is: There are no victims here. And yet that answer does not suffice. What of a young person dying of some terrible malady? Their idea, one can say, and shrug one's shoulders. Yet that is obviously not the way of compassion; it is the classic dismissal of the poor by the wealthy: It's their fault that they are poor, they deserve whatever happens to them.

And, having failed to resolve that problem, I introduce another. Money. One thing that Shimoda did not have or seem to need was a wad of cash. Yet we in this world have need of money; Richard Bach himself often writes about money. I like money. It is fun to believe that money is not the real point, it is only a way of keeping score, and yet we in this world give much of our time and energy to following the movement of these bits of green paper.

I like these problems in that they are constant. They are not resolved by words; they occur and recur, and are real. In what way am I demonstrating my freedom today? Am I caught up in beliefs about injustice and tragedy, and if so, how am I reconciling these beliefs with a belief in freedom? Where are love and compassion in a world of free people? Is my freedom measured by my money? My lack of money?

As Richard Bach wrote in Illusions: Watch the answers change.

Alan Watts & Practical Thinking

2008-09-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

Alan Watts, through the medium of old paperbacks, and recordings of his talks, tells me that I am something that the whole world is doing, in the same way that a wave is something that the whole ocean is doing; that I am from the Earth, of the Earth, not a foreign invader from outer space; that to be here now is the best that I can do. And other good happy jazz like that . . .

Yet what the hell has that got to do with the high price of coffee? Or with paying child support? Or with paying the rent? It doesn't solve those problems; but it does include them. I am the experience of being me. Sometimes that experience is painful. I experience lack and limitation and difficulty, insecurity and confusion. Sometimes. And sometimes I am joyful and sometimes I am quietly happy. Sense of peaceful joy . . .
Alan Watts gives me a cosmology I can believe in. For what it's worth (or not) it's true. True enough, anyway.